How many Spring Break Schedules does your family navigate? Between the boys, husband and daughter, and my coaching families, we’re at 3!
So I took some extra time to dig into our author’s second regret in ““If I Could Raise My Daughter All Over Again.” What I found was troubling, validating, and can be used as a powerful tool for your family.
Regret #2: I Picked the Wrong Partner to Be My Co-Parent
Our author explains: Choosing a partner with ADHD was terrible for me. I needed emergency backup — someone I could count on to show up, support me, and make the “right” decisions for our family…I needed someone who could deal with the consequences alongside me as a team, united, learning and improving for the benefit of our family.
While this author’s story is unique to her family, it is common among families touched by ADHD.
Parenting/partnering with family members who have executive function weaknesses presents a set of stressors that can be frustrating, to say the least. When children are diagnosed, it is common for at least one parent to recognize the child’s symptoms as familiar to their own. In fact, adults are currently diagnosed at 4x the rate that children are diagnosed.
So what does this mean for our families? Let’s take a look. From the website WebMD:
Studies show that when one person in the family has ADHD, it can affect how satisfied parents, siblings, and others in the family feel with their everyday life. For example, children with ADHD create far more demands on parents’ time and attention. That can lead to relationship problems, less family togetherness, and more conflict. Research even shows higher rates of divorce and depression among parents of a child with ADHD, compared with other families.
ADDitude mag offers insight into co-parenting when parents live in separate places.
When parents live apart, that might mean more lost or forgotten items, more taxing transitions, and more changes in routine that spark emotional dysregulation. It might also mean less consistent, reliable ADHD treatment, especially during the holidays, when schedules are really out of whack.
As part of a five-member family of ADHDers, I have experienced the stress, anxiety, and hopelessness that can occur as a *very normal result* of living with executive function weaknesses. Each member of our family displays ADHD and executive function weaknesses differently; this has varied even at the different developmental stages of our three children. We are working together to solve the gaps in where we are and who we want to be as a family.
While this choice (to stick together in parenting) may not have worked for our author and her family, it is working for ours. And your choices as a member of an ADHD fam may be different still. The important part of the process is stepping back to examine your needs.
- What do you need as a parent?
- How do these needs compare to those of your co-parent or co-parenting team?
- And then what are the needs of each of your children?
It’s complicated, yes. But the alternative is even more complicated, isn’t it?
If you feel like you want to build common ground on executive function and your parenting needs, Quantum Jump Coaching for your student/parent team can help! Connect with Jenny McKeand to find out more about your options.
Yours in the journey,
Cara
